Reddit Relationship Adultery Scandals
So, you are bored aren’t you! You have been in lockdown or might soon be facing it again and you might turn your attention to Reddit for some thought inspiring posts. Yeah, right. You’ve gone there for the dirt of humanity, for a little bit of scandal and muck. Be honest. It’s a morbid call to make you feel better about your uneventful life, or to compare and contrast your own hits and near misses with similar. Or just to make you aware of something that may or may not happen to you somewhere down the line. The proverbial steaming turd in a bowl of cornflakes with your spoon poised and you didn’t spot it yet because you are too busy reading the box.
I got caught up in watching some of this type of content being read out on YouTube and for a time I got rather drawn into some of these very human stories. On occasion a lot of this content is readout, not by a human, but through a speech assistant, leading to jerky and difficult to listen to pieces.
You get more out of just going straight to Reddit and looking up the postings. But ultimately you realise its a rabbit hole.
I’ve tried to cover some of the core tenets of what these posts are and what they evoke. There might be more that I’ve missed, or perhaps elements that I’ve overlooked, or under explained. I hope this doesn’t seem a ‘mansplain’ but for those of you less accustom to this media, who wanted to know why it should be avoided, then hopefully this will be illuminating.
I come at this from the perspective of Male. I welcome a Female perspective on this from a woman who has also been suitably turned off by these stories. If you have written an article along similar lines, let me know in the comments (any gender). I am interested by supporting and contra thoughts.
I would say that on Reddit as a rough estimate, the split of Men slanted stories versus Women slanted stories is at a split of 60/40. It seems that Men are more likely to share their rough experience over women and be hurt and confused after the event. On the flip side the ratio of women confessing their cheating and seeking assistance in their burning wreck of a marriage after, weighs in at a 90/10 split. Be advised that is just my “Jackson-world-generalisation”, I’ve had a rough look. I didn’t tot up numbers, call an adjudicator and recount the numbers. Just go with it.
In fact I might spit out some things here but I’m not going to deeply substantiate them. In many areas this writing will my opinion and subjective. My opinions might not be right, easy to read, or helpful and in my defence I don’t really give a shit, so take it as you will.
Acronyms to be aware of:
How these posts tend to play out
Normally the OP sets the scene with the title. I’ve put an example below;
I 32(M) have discovered my wife of 7 years (29F) is cheating with my Sister-In-Law (19F). I found out whilst ordering pizza on my wife’s phone. I spat out my pepperoni, it seems my wife doesn’t only enjoy sausage from my family. What do I do?
No, the answer is not set up a video recorder for future playback with tissues and hand lotion. You animal.
After the title the OP goes through some basic scene setting. They give you an idea of how the relationship has been up to now and what led up to what is classified as “DDay”. D Day is obviously a reference to that famous day during WWII when the beaches were stormed during the big push to liberate Europe. Essentially in this Reddit context it’s when the shit hits the fan; the discovery.
Some of the scandals come to a discovery through a slow but steady dawning that something is up. A gut feeling or a fragment that seems suspicious and demands greater inspection. Other scandals arrive out of the blue. The most common being full beans (in flagrante delicto) on either the sofa or bed (in some cases even the kid’s bed).
“I saw tons of messages between my wife and my sister-in-law, many nudes and genital shots and suggestive texts. I was heartbroken.” — Example
The OP tends to wallow a degree as they go through the obvious tumult of their realisation.
Sometimes there has been some precursory counselling undertaken because the marriage has cooled. It just so happens that the SO is bumping or has bumped uglies with an AP or multiple APs and this is the real reason the marriage has cooled.
Sometimes the answer is obvious on what the OP should do at this stage but there are often complications such as children to consider, and property which I’ll go onto mention further down in the MGTOW section.
Occasionally a TL;DR is inserted to summarise the word dump. The TL;DR tends to cut to the nub of the issue fairly succinctly.
At this stage the OP will wait on some responses from the Reddit community before a long wait ensues for an update for the avid commenter and interested party. The OP occasionally will respond to comments on the post. Often having to clarify or defend their position, or that of their SO or other actors within this sorry tale.
You’ll then receive an edit where the OP thanks the audience for their contributions to the comments. Sometimes the OP doesn’t like what they hear back and berates the community for stating the obvious, or flaming them for their idiocy. Sometimes they are over defensive of their abuser for no good reason, or a reason that is flawed in perception, a “beta” point of view.
The next stage is normally an update. A post generally only gets one update, but on occasion if the scandal has been particularly lurid or complicated, they stretch on two or three updates more.
There is such a concept as “Trickle Truth”. Where the cheater normally reveals a limited amount of detail after being caught, but this later snowballs as they are interrogated further and their story begins showing holes.
A YouTuber reading this out likes to pause at this moment and build some suspense for what you are going to read next. The big reveal, the what I did to confront. The truth of it.
Normally the confrontation goes teary eyed. Those who are clear “shagwits” normally have no remorse for their actions. You get some cheaters who try and gaslight the whole thing initially but can’t evade the damning evidence when it starts mounting up, or this a particular smoking gun. You get some individuals who are so besotted with their AP that they just completely dispense with the OP altogether like their relationship was immaterial. Occasionally you get the cheating SO’s parents or friends in on the act trying to repair bridges that are atomised already, they are normally either deeply biased or unaware of the full extent of the issue and become irritants in the overall progress. Occasionally you’ll get some good Samaritans, even sometimes the APs themselves help to incriminate the cheater with evidence provided to the OP. There will be cases where the AP’s SO is dialled in the loop, so that they are aware that their cheating husband, wife or SO has been ‘ducking’ the OP’s SO. Occasionally if the AP is a boss or someone in a position of authority, they get narced by the OP after suggestions from the comments with sometimes comical recourse, firing being the standard course of action. Counselling/Therapy is dropped a lot into things especially where the OP is from the US (because they don’t seem to be able to cope without tossing large dollar at a quack, I call that a racket personally). Occasionally you’ll hear that the OP has enjoyed some much needed embrace with somebody new to get them over the ordeal of their recent divorce.
You get some prelude where the plotting occurs. The classic STBXW/H gets dropped a lot as the OP tends to move the chess pieces into location ready for the slap down, or the legal ‘serving’ process where divorce papers are exchanged.
The vindication/vengeance element of the post will be dropped where the OP has gone through their method of payback. Sometimes this will involve informing the family of the SO, of the AP. I will talk on this below.
Normally the posts tail off with thanks to the community for their assistance. They try and leave on a warm note most of the time. But occasionally you get an emotional gut punch where notes to readers end on a very glib tone overall. I think perhaps the worst I’ve seen is the where the cheater hung herself because she couldn’t come to terms with being dumped, and her parents and the OP’s parents blame him for sending her over the edge.
The YouTubers may have to sit on some of this content for quite a while, as the Reddit poster takes their time to update. You can sometimes see additional unplanned updates where the SO has reconciled with the OP after some serious time of reflection, or more detail has come out of the wash as time goes by.
That’s pretty much it in a nutshell. A sometimes interesting character study into a rather personal and painful topic. I know I sound flippant and dismissive with some of the detail above, but when it shared so publicly I think that the posters forget how brutal people can be online. The filters tend to be off. I’m guilty of being rather scathing, I’m sure you might feel this in reading some of my postulation, but its something that those offering up their ills have to contend with.
There are the scandal posts where somebody has written the whole thing out not so much as a cry for help, but as a cleansing of sorts, to get all of the madness off their chest, sometimes at the bequest of the therapist they are seeing. Whilst I am somewhat sceptical of psychiatry and counselling, I think it is healthy to write out your ills if they are burning you up. I can tell with some of the submissions they are written with the candles burning at both ends. They are written deep into the night whilst the OP is teary eyed and blue. But as you’ll read further down, I think some of these posts are self indulgent and validation hungry, calling lynch mobs to arms when you only get half the story.
I’ve seen where in some cases the other party has discovered the post on Reddit and it has complicated matters considerably. In some cases because the OP has hit the nail on the head, other times because they’ve the missed the mark by light years. There is an alternative to the Cheated on, where you have the Cheater. And when the affected party discovers this post, it doesn’t always go to the plan that the OP intended.
When speaking to someone face to face, it is quite difficult to lie effectively if you know their tells. It’s a lot easier to hide deception through words. Body language plays a lot in this as well. You can normally tell when someone is lying.
I feel this music also accompanies this post style perfectly;
This is something to consider with these ‘stories’. They may not be true. They may have small or large parts that are ‘fantasy’ or at the very least huge repainting of the truth.
Often times the original poster will try and put themselves in the head of the cheater, but often a lot of what they try and write down is hearsay and speculation on their part. Some of it is wishful thinking. Some of it is connecting dots that don’t connect.
Sometimes the OP will exaggerate events or draw conclusions that are not as they appear. Often they will try and leave out the worst of the tale because it is so ugly that it paints them as deficient to allow it, being the proverbial “beta” or “simp”. Classically the biggest issue with adultery is perception by others, societal approval. An OP tries to play the organ to best make the right tune for the audience it seeks to call for sympathy.
I could quite easily write a fictional post for Reddit given sufficient crafting time. I could have one ready and be sitting to wait for interactions. That’s the unfortunate aspect of this, genuine people might be trying to offer genuine help to a charlatan. That charlatan is getting their rocks off on the merry dance, the attention. See how my 29F and 19F crafting came about up the page, all you need to make it an attention grabber, is the right kind of title and salacious content. I’ll speak of salacious below.
Airing Dirty Laundry
This is the foray of the gossip monger. Whilst you might be drawn to it, such things can avoid being diminished if they are kept locked down. If your powder is dry you can avoid some unpleasantness.
When these OPs share quite personal details, some that don’t draw them in a particularly special light, I sometimes think they would have been better not to say anything at all because you know they are going to roll into some serious punches from the savages in the comments.
This is an interesting topic on its own. Why are people drawn to car crashes? Why do they ‘rubber neck’ on the motorway? It’s all to do with the morbid aspect of man. You may try and fight it, but eventually you’ll want to see just to be aware it exists. Even if it disgusts you, you want a glimmer of it.
I used to live near Brighton (a 15 minute train ride) on the South Coast of England. A long time ago (over 20 years) I was walking down from the station on the right hand side pavement that leads down the hill. There was a famous glass blowing shop that disappeared quite some time ago, you wouldn’t know it unless you’d been living there or remembered, but the place featured in Blue Peter and the badge was displayed with pride in the front window, also not a program a person beyond the 90s might remember (I was tempted to say fondly but I always thought Blue Peter was cringe as hell). Outside that shop I saw a man who had died of a heart attack. There must have been 15 people gathered around him but he was gone. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen a dead man up close (and hopefully last for a while). And yes, my morbid curiosity brought me to observe.
Put your hands up if you wanted to see a bloody limb of Princess Diana after her ‘accident’ in that French tunnel? Whether you approve of her or not. Put your hands up if you watched the Twin Towers burn for a bit longer than 20 minutes and saw someone jump. Human nature is very ugly sometimes.
It can be played on.
With the YouTube channels, they tend to pick the stories that have the most chilling resonance. They tend to skip over the relatively neutral accounts. They are going for what all news outlets have gone for; sensational content.
The problem with these scandal posts is that your immediate agenda when perusing one is to sit in judgement of the accused. You sit in judgement of the SO and the AP because that is how it’s presented to you but you always come at the story from an inherent bias presented by the OP. Those accused have no easy right of reply unless they address the accusations on the post in person.
You are not always made privy to contributory factors. And yes, I agree that adultery cannot be excused, but there are contributory factors that certainly can lead a partner to have some basis in striking out against the OP. You aren’t always aware that the OP could be an absolute shithead in reality, and probably had it coming. It’s mean to say but in some cases that has to be true. There are those arrogant intolerable partners that just sometimes push their other partner over the edge through being a tyrant and a wretch. A lot of the affair comes about through trying to determine if the cheater could have a better time somewhere else in some other situation; a form of desperation. The breakup/divorce should have come first if they were feeling that way, rather than pressing on with an affair whilst still married or in the relationship but people do stupid things sometimes; thoughtless acts. If you want to move on, do it the right way. Be nice, be respectful. Make like a banana and split. It attracts far less judgement. It’s just the right thing when compared to the bone train and its unhappy results. You can have the bone train after guilt free! Guilt free! Guilt free! Because it’s done. It’s just done, ended, finito. No heart break, no having to cover your tracks, no explanations to cobble together. It’s the male equivalent of shopping; in, out, done. Simple.
I believe a lot of time with the confession element that is provided, some of the answers given are delivered in a way to let you down gently. The actual truth is a lot more hurtful. I don’t believe with all of these cases they were designed/pre-meditated to deliver harm. (There are some exceptions that are quite revolting but most of them have partners that feel genuine regret but have overridden their inner restraint and pressed on with the bad deed.)
Another possibility with some of the posts is that the poster, the OP, was guilty of something themselves that is undisclosed. That they are guilty of adultery themselves and that this feeling of betrayal is actually heightened by being a betrayer. They feel annoyed that this happened to them when they felt they got away with it themselves. That they have a single arrogance that as a male they should be able to get away with it where a woman shouldn’t or vice versa. This goes a little further into the territory of the Narcissist, and they can be very unpleasant individuals. If the OP is a narcissist, nobody else’s opinion really matters, this is normally for their own self edification. You could almost say cheating on a narcissist is fair game, because they certainly don’t care about you, they only care about how you feel about them. It’s a Me, Me and I train with a Narcissist every time. They suck you in like a black hole and will crush you if you stay too long.
Wallowing is evident in most of the posts. A “why me” motif. I won’t go deep into this but sometimes I feel that the catharsis is better achieved by putting distance between the event. There is a certain ritual in the revelling of such a tale. The language is often telling of scarring specifics that have put poison in the mind.
I’ve often been guilty of wallowing, of being webbed up in the past. I lost my job this year but carry some residual unresolved issues with the place and the people and feel annoyed both with myself and those who I thought had my back. I was left to languish while people of lesser talents strode past. But I can’t think that way anymore, I’ve got to crack on and smell the salts. I can’t embitter myself with what was. Only do better next time out.
A lot of the OPs get caught up in the cycle. They aren’t thinking on the way through and out to the blue sky beyond this cloud. Some of them even speak of times in past relations where they have been cheated on, almost like the record is stuck and that they are fated to repeat bad relationships ad finitum.
There are some OPs that are completely delusional in their hopes of salvaging the wreckage. There are those that feel that their cheating SOs will change some how, but most of the time it’s the equivalent of killing a person; the act becomes easier each time you do it. Often cheaters will compound their cheating as they grow bolder. Evidence of this is where a lot of the stories go onto mention past the “trickle truth” that the cheater has committed many offences, and that at a certain point their inhibitions melt entirely. You’ll see more evidence of this below.
Anger Inspiration / Nightmare Fuel
There are some triggers which I’ve picked out. There are more than those in the list, but such images stay with people and can poison future relationships. They definitely can place paranoid thoughts in once easy going people.
The first obvious is arriving back to your wife being double teamed by two guys. If it’s not bad enough that it is one guy, it’s two in your bed. I think that would flip 99.999999999% of all men out. If you as a woman want to get rid of a guy quickly, this is the way. I’d say that’s true vice versa. If you’ve got one girl on your dick and another on your face. That’ll be divorce papers quicker than you say “Can you move your flaps, I can’t breathe”.
I think more nightmare fuel is where your wife/husband is doing things that they’d never do with you, that they point blank refuse, and yet willingly offers up to the AP. Such as being fucked up the arse as one example (a woman that is). Or deep throat. Golden rain, you name it. Something you’ve asked for countless times but been refused yet is offered to this guy on a platter. There’s a degree of special torture in that, twisting the knife deep. That your so unprivileged that you get the rusty cutlery, whilst this guy or gal gets the special silver set with the soup spoons. Like they were holding back with you the whole time, but when it comes to someone they really want to impress they pick out the bottle of the best stuff they hid behind the cheap plonk you’ve been quaffing.
This one isn’t actually meant to sound racist so don’t take this in that vein. It’s where you find someone of a different ethnicity going full beans with your SO. I think if you are specifically a white guy, and you come home to your wife being bored out by a gigantic black man with a rhinoceros sized cock, that would be nightmare fuel. It’s your instant inadequacy laid bare. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was a moderately sized white guy, but this guy is proper hench. And that solid 9 or 10 incher is probably tickling her duodenum each time. It’s not like you even stood a chance at measuring up equally. It’s the equivalent of going from a super lardy woman to a supermodel and that super lardy woman arrives to find you balls deep. They aren’t going to feel all that special after that sight because it immediately diminishes them, they feel discarded. As a side note to that, a lot of the time women seem to use this excuse that the random hookup is sought so that there is no emotional attachment to the AP, and somehow that makes it okay. But it doesn’t matter, it’s not okay whether you had feelings or not. In fact, a random in some ways is worse on some aspect. A person you’d simply pick off the street cuts a little deeper by virtue of you devaluing sex altogether for the SO. What we have is both easily replaceable, and not all that special. Sex is about as involuntary as farting or burping. It just kind of ‘fell out’.
The transverse is also true nightmare fuel. Your cheating SO with a hobo/tramp. Someone so hideous or unattractive you are revolted. Your 24 year old tight and lithe girlfriend having sex with a wrinkly 65 year old woman with boobs down to her ankles and a bush longer than your beard. If it was anybody else you’d walked in on it would be better than this. You don’t know whether to laugh at first at the complete ridiculousness of what you are seeing.
More disgusting anger inspiration is discovering that every AP your cheating SO was with didn’t have protection of any kind. We all know that certain religions don’t like protection, but those same religions don’t like adultery either. What the fuck are you doing? What’s more disgusting than that? Discovering that your partner picked up a non treatable STD, and for the Brucey bonus, they passed it on to you. Such delights as HPV, Hepatitis and HIV that prevent you getting a partner after you’ve divorced them and will shorten your life span. Fantastic.
Nightmare fuel of having a recording system that has captured a dozen or more bedroom partners. Over a short span, or within the same night. They are really committed to the bone train. Yuck. Time for a hose down from a hazmat team, and that doesn’t even include the sheets; you’ll be burning those along with the mattress.
Arriving back to find that your SO has left visible traces of their deeds. This is actually one that flipped me out after reading. This particular woman had left a pair of knickers that were glistening with some other guy’s pubic hair and semen stains. She had purposely gone out of her way to hurt the guy, he was smart in giving her a very short window to come and talk to him in a public place. She started with a really ugly confession with details posed to cut deep. She’d been boning the boss on a business trip and was thoroughly committed to him. There was another one where a guy noticed his SO put a few tissues in a waste paper basket. OP dropped her at work then looped back and discovered the jizz filled condom, most likely still warm. When he looked further he noticed more jizz and pussy juice on the bed. The AP had jumped out of the window and escaped through the back when he arrived home. The SO later confessed she’d given a guy a blowjob and been boned by another random while he’d been away on other trips. Classy.
Lack of Humanity / Compassion
Compassion is more of a Buddhist teaching than anything. It does crop up in Christianity and Judaism and you’ll always have some mantra that goes into being good to one another in all host of religious texts.
Sometimes the OP throws away something good. I’ve noticed where it’s a Cheater post and the SO doesn’t want a part of the OP anymore that often the infraction is so insignificant based on the time that has passed that they are being petty for no good reason. I went as far in one of the YouTube videos to write that in the early stage of a relationship, you have a degree of time that the paint is wet, a time where exclusivity isn’t confirmed. There is a natural stage where you have an ‘exclusivity talk’ but up until that point you are simply dating, and that means the other person can be sampling other candidates in the same window. I would argue that in the modern day and with shit that happens, you should probably make an active point of suggesting that you want exclusivity from X point onwards otherwise you’ll have to think again. Some people have strange ideas and if they don’t match with your expectations you have to be honest and strong in your resolve.
I’ve also noticed that in some instances there is a mistaken belief that what has transpired, transpired when the opposite is true. I’ve read a few of these where no cheating occurred at all, and that a ‘friend’ or jealous rival tried to remove the OP in an underhand fashion. The resultant SO backlash causes a breakup, and rather than believe the OP, they listen to the council of those willing to throw you under the bus. It’s amusing when they come back 2 or 3 years later having found out it was all a lie, and wanting to get back with the OP only to find that the OP gave up on trying to defend their honour, and simply moved on. If they’d showed a little compassion and tried to give the OP a right of reply then this outcome might not have come to pass, but their blind rage, and their bypass of communication doesn’t spell out a good relationship. It’s not something you can return to, because it could be a standard response, every time somethings not quite right, you’ll be the first to be blamed. My neighbour had upset someone, and for Halloween as a trick, a bag of wet socks was left outside his house. Because we have had less than cheerful dealings in the past, my door was the first one he knocked on, and this happens often. Oh, it’s Keith the asshole again, I often think when I open the door to the old bastard, our conversations are normally short but this time it wasn’t me and I had to hold back my laughter as he showed me this bag of wet socks. Glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks he’s a wanker. My point is that compassion can be worn down over time. The more individual acts, the more that compassions wears thin.
A minor mention but I’ve noticed with the US posts that there always seems this fervour lingering in the bile that they retain and the flailing that they present. Cheat train, destination: GRRRRRR.
You get the men and women in the comments with the pitchforks which is either constructive or not so. It’s tribal almost. You might get the outlier who sees things differently, or has a better suggestion, but they will not always be listened to as much as the common denominator.
If you’ve ever watched Jerry Springer, Jeremy Kyle or any of that ilk, you’ll know that the audience always comes at the situation baying for blood. The court of appeal has already decided your guilty, they are just trying to determine how much. Posts are often presented thus. The exception perhaps is the “Am I The Asshole” style post but I’m not specifically covering those in this article. In that case, you tend to be provided a clear black or white answer. Yes or No. I normally agree with the majority in this case.
What a beautiful word, people. It is like the lap dog of the Greek God Eros of words. I bet that dog jumped up when Eros got aroused. Filth! Filth!!!
What does it mean;
Adjective — “Having or conveying undue or inappropriate interest in sexual matters.”
I don’t wish to sound like a puritan but perhaps in this context it triggers my puritan response. Which is odd because I take great joy, in my personal time, writing salacious fiction. I guess when I know it’s close to being real that’s where the hurt rests. The problem with these reddit stories is that they hook you in, often times giving you details that you’d rather not know if you were given a choice. Some of it conjures what I’ve covered under Anger Inspiration / Nightmare Fuel. It’s a fear of an event you really don’t want to happen based on societal and sexual taboos, it plays close to your own fears, and possibly things that have happened to you or people close to you.
It is possible that in some cases the individual could get used to what’s going on if they in some way receive something back, or are suitably compensated. But this is where the differences of men and women are often highlighted. A woman could be ‘tapped’ at least 100 times in a night. Biology has permitted that. A guy will run out of juice. Once is good, twice is more excitement than juice, and the third time is likely to be painful. It’s how we are built. A woman can experience many men in one night without issue (other than getting pregnant or STDs of course). As long its consensual they’ll be okay, but normally something like gang rape may result in their death through shock and blood loss in sufficient numbers of participants. That puts it rather graphically, but that’s how it is. Women are permitted promiscuity where men have a natural limit. A man can dish out as in go down on a woman or stimulate them with fingers and apparatus but ultimately we’ll get to a point where we want to curl up and go to sleep. That detail there is an example of salacious, more than you wanted to picture. Say that woman was your wife or your girlfriend or any woman you know. Certainly makes you feel differently about them, that they have the potential for that. What’s to stop group bookings. “Yeah, I’ll be done in 30 minutes, send the next one please.”
Deviations on Christian teachings and wider norms
This is not a piety lesson for you or a doctrine injection, or a dogmatic diatribe. If you are non Christian or Atheistic, its fine. Just to clarify on my end, I’m a Church of England (Anglican), I only go to church for christenings, weddings and funerals and can’t remember the last time I opened a Bible, I am a confirmed Christian, I went through the confirmation process when I was younger so I can take the communion but other than that, I don’t have any holy hand grenades in my arsenal, have not successfully performed any exorcisms, and haven’t converted anybody recently (from robot to alien or any of that jazz). I’m a non practising Christian. If I was called on for a crusade, I’d determine if it was ‘just’ and probably don the red cross but otherwise I can’t really be arsed with it. I know its there if I really need it and on rare occasions I do give God a prayer even though I’m a man more of science. As far as homosexuality goes, I’m really not bothered, I’m happy if you are happy. If you are tucked up at home on a nice warm sofa with your loving partner, that’s more than fine by me. The Bible alongside other religious texts is at odds with that in some degree, but I’m not and never will be. I judge on merit rather than attributes.
Most religions have some decency laws and tenets for marriage, for tying the knot. All courts in the world have limits and rulings for divorce from marriages, no matter how you arrive at them, and what you believe in. You could worship Elvis and get married in Las Vegas if you wanted. You could be in a death cult one cup shy of that last batch of Kool-aid. There is some limit to your freedom in a legal marriage. Even in religions that permit polygamous relations, there are some rules to being good to one another in a union. There is a community norm in the vacuum of religion. A code of conduct.
Adultery is a sin, period.
That should be fairly obvious. The only way it’s up for debate is if the partners of a union entered into that union with full disclosure, agreement and consent to pursue “free love”. Or at a stage through their union, mutually agreed to “open” the marriage with agreed parameters, with the intent to remain together whilst pursuing carnal and lust based desires.
Fact: Many religions and societies have major issue with adultery whilst in a marriage. The fact that it is “open” means nothing at all.
Fact: Some religions and societies consider adultery a criminal offence.
Regardless, adultery is rather hurtful to the victim, and can be stressful to the perpetrator (and not only for their sexual parts but their mental state). For a long time in history in a few countries in the world there were special considerations for lessening or even dismissing crimes that were conducted whilst a spouse was discovered in the act of adultery. (The French Penal Code of 1810 (crime of passion), Defence of Provocation (UK & Australia), Legitima defesa da honra (Brazil), Article 587 Heat of Passion Law (Italy), Lex julia de adulteriis coercendis (Roman Empire 18 BCE), Articulo 36 Passion Provocation by Adultery (Uruguay). Yes I looked that up. Smart woman apply for the free side of my bed immediately.
Open Marriage and non-conventional relationships
Is not a virtue for a Christian marriage or for a lot of religions. The act of Adultery is considered a scandal and is a mortal sin.
Open Marriages became a concept with the advent of hippy communes of the 1960s-1970s when flower power started becoming a thing.
To a lesser extent mistresses have been common throughout Europe and many parts of the world. Mistress is a more modern term to identify a concubine arrangement. Muslims have a primary wife and secondary wives in a polygamous arrangement. There are such things as consorts for females, but these are less common. They were normally employed where the spouse was having issues with either fertility or sexual prowess. Arranged marriages between Royalty and nobles back in the old days would often see those in their late 40s and 50s marrying very young brides of as young as 14; by then their libido would take a hit. It would often be kinder when said nobles and Royals were approaching senility to offer a consort to a very young wife to keep them happy in the bedroom while the spouse might be dying of an STD (syphilis I’m looking at you) or at the least bed ridden and non compus mentus. Queen Victoria had a consort after the death of the King, because she was lonely. An ugly situation occurred with Prince Charles and Camila Parker Bowles where Diana was selected as wife while Camila remained in her marriage but secretly there was a relationship between Charles and Camilla that became official after Diana’s death (by which time Camilla was already divorced, no coincidence). There is documented notes towards a lack of love between Diana and Charles. She was selected purely as an heir provider, a “pretty young thing”, it was Camilla who assisted in this selection. Twisted.
Poly amorous couples is a status but normally a known quantity before marriage occurs. It can involve any configuration of males and females but normally tends to settle around a triangle topology. Three is a magic number, yes it is!
The late Lord Bath (7th Marquees of Bath), a British Lord and owner of Longleat Safari Park had 74 wifelets (yes, you read that right). They were occasional lovers. He was a bit of a Leisure suit Larry in that regard, who sadly passed away (of corona virus in 2020 at the age of 87). I say sadly because he was a larger than life figure who enjoyed his life, made a wonderful wildlife park, and was true to himself. There were stories that his wifelets fought over each other for his attention, which is an obvious problem with complex relationships, but it rarely slowed him down.
With regards to Open Marriages, they are not the norm. I believe most people who read that term would consider the people who enter into those arrangements to be “promiscuous” or “unsatisfied” with their monogamy. Most concerns with Open Marriage are that they lead to an eventual breakdown of the original relationship in replacement of something new. As you’ll read in the MGTOW section, Hypergamy is on the rise, therefore the fear for a male is that the female in the partnership suggesting said ‘Open’ status, is looking to trade up. Say you are a 6 on the scale, they’ll take a 7 next if offered but they’ll leap for an 8.
There is a control element regarding moving from monogamy to polygamy, I believe that those who would prefer a monogamous relation would be deeply concerned by the idea of ‘sharing’. The biggest fear is losing the partner to a love rival or just feeling inadequate or unsatisfactory in the bedroom department and having their time cut down with their SO. It’s losing that exclusivity, that authenticity, taking off the sheen of the marriage, destroying what makes it special and worth holding onto. For many who feel the drift, it might be considered the beginning of the ‘end’. I see with many of the scandal posts that this tends to be the case. Often women seem to offer up the Open status because they already have shagged an affair partner, and want to fall under the protection of the open status to make it seem legitimate when they couldn’t wait to be slotted. Sometimes they have someone in mind, or someone has approached them. Asking after the fact seems to be the default. And even if you say no, it might have already happened, or they’ll do it anyway. Sometimes that individual is already in a relationship themselves. Sometimes a group of wayward new friends suggests such an idea in a coven like fashion, egging on certain people who become competitive, and they end up being talked into something that they can’t back out of, or deeply regret after the act.
Perhaps the most interesting examples of this kind of situation was a story where the open relationship didn’t work out for the wife, as the AP she was with, kicked her to the curb after a year. The OP in the story was getting his satisfaction with a pleasant sex partner and had no interest in Closing the marriage once more which eventually ended in a divorce. The wife had argued that he had broken the terms of the arrangement by seeing to someone they ‘knew’ but it was not true. You have to be careful what you wish for. I saw one man broken by feeling he was obliged to open the marriage. He set specific boundaries and rules for what was acceptable but his wife was a very conniving heartless individual, it played perfectly to her wishes and in the end he was left an emotional wreck, whilst she escaped scot free and remorseless. You’d like to think that later it would bite in the arse, but a lot of women have weird ideas, and never really feel much responsibility for what they do until it punches them in the tit, normally by then they are old and grey so they won’t be getting any action anyway. There’s always some idiot that will provide service.
I believe that most relationships are monogamous at this point in time because of the issues surrounding money, health, and lack of free time. Back when Humans were more like apes, polygamy was a norm. There was a hierarchy to the troupe where the silverback (alpha) would claim all of the healthy females, there would be a matriarchal primary female who would organise the healthy females below her. Often the silverback was unable to police his authority 24/7 and cheeky shags occurred by younger fitter apes in the troupe. In addition roving males would occasionally slip the females a quickie on the off chance. This helped keep the troupe relatively healthy from inbreeding as the silverback would be none the wiser when they fell pregnant as long as the offspring was healthy and looked relatively ape like. Nowadays humans are a lot more complex and have a lot more complex emotions. If the societal norm was a commune like existence, we would act to type, but monogamy is the defacto relationship at this time until there is a tipping point where that is no longer the defacto. A lot of this is dictated by law. The only Christian exception in the West lies in the Mormon church, but even they have issues with sustaining multiples wives in certain states due to bigamy laws as bigamy is generally considered illegal. *One thing I didn’t mention up front with that ape like story is that any male caught with the alpha’s woman would either be badly beaten, banished or killed. An Alpha has to lead by example after all. Juveniles and roving males would naturally avoid this ape’s gaze lest they regret it. The ape had to be a ‘hard man’ all the time. Not a relaxing time (sounds like a manager).
True story, my next door neighbour in the sleepy village of Hurstpierpoint was a minor Prince from an African tribe (I’m not sure if it was Kenya or Uganda, I can’t remember). His name was Angus and he was a lovely man, I liked him and his wife, and we would often have a friendly chat over the fence. There was something that happened one time where he invited a load of his family and friends around and announced his “new wife”, but his “old wife” was still there. I’m fairly sure he was rocking the polygamy but he was a gentleman so it clearly worked for him and we weren’t to know the real story. His supposed ex-wife seemed very happy at the event, I’m fairly sure that was what it was. It seemed a little surreal but my parents, my sister and I enjoyed the party. The family were really friendly and they were some of my best neighbours that I can remember. We only really thought about it years later because of how strange the event was but that was clearly how it was for that tribe, and Angus was happy to go along with the tradition (his new wife was quite pretty). Where we lived was a rather simple bungalow with a nice back garden that faced a big wood; a fairly unassuming suburb. Life is stranger than fiction sometimes.
I can’t claim that open marriages don’t work some of the time, I’m sure they can be a very uplifting (pardon the pun) and enriching part of someone’s life if they are dedicated and look after each other. An Open Marriage by itself is not a problem if entered into in a joyful spirit, with both partners still retaining their strong bond but wanting to experience more of what is available. It’s true that during a relationship there will be times when a partner is less attractive or the feelings dampen but that’s not to say that those feelings won’t return in time. Sometimes an Open Marriage seeks to flatten out the experience by ensuring that partners don’t miss out on sex when they need it. Complaints by couples nearing the 7 year itch point, are that the sex life has dipped somewhat. There are often those in these Reddit posts who argue that they haven’t seen enough cock or vagina because they got with their partner during high school or college and didn’t ride the sex carousel and still have rookie numbers where it comes to conquests and notches on the bed post (I find that idea a little childish if I’m honest but I’m on rookie numbers myself, I’m not looking at this from an alpha’s point of view).
So often an open status is brought into play for the wrong reasons, because an affair needs to progress to a more convenient standing. Where the cheater got more lurid is introducing multiple partners for having strange super poly chains or just series of strangers and fetishes (sometimes both). Some participants extoll the benefits that the sex between the original partnership improves. I notice with a lot of the stories, normally the relationship remains dead in the bedroom, or the participants become more detached and in the motions as an obligation rather than an expression of passion. Open Marriages are kind of the motif of desperation but I often feel that other avenues or issues haven’t been explored before these solutions are suggested.
This may sound odd on my part but I’d be open to a two girlfriend relationship. I probably couldn’t afford two partners but I’d certainly give it a go. I wouldn’t expect them to be into each other but that could be a thing too, my concern might be that I lose them to their own relationship if I permit the bisexuality as I would fear that becoming a full lesbian relation would ultimately kick me out of the bed permanently if they found preference in it. There is always the jealousy stake to worry about in a relationship that goes more than 1 on 1 purely through the human nature of competition. Partners become something you have to juggle, and some people struggle even with 1, so adding a second into the mix makes life very complicated if you are not organised, and your time is already short. Often you’ll get one part of the triangle feeling left out in the cold; the “third wheel syndrome”. Other complications include getting more than one person up the duff because you are doubling your chances of drowning in babies (even with contraception). Normally polygamy and poly relationships are only pursued by those who can afford them which is why upper class and nobles tended to have more access to enjoying such pursuits in history. They also had more time to enjoy such pursuits because they had less real work to do to maintain their status, and more time to lavish on entertaining their fancies.
A little side note I thought I’d throw in for the point of sensationalism and salaciousness: It was known in harems that were guarded by eunuchs back in times of antiquity in Persia and Arabia, that women in said harems were permitted lesbian relationships. Normally the Sheikh/Sultan could only handle so many at a time and normally had a primary or matriarchal wife who took precedent, so the remainder needed a sexual gratification while they were waiting. What they got up to in the harem, didn’t really escape the harem’s canvas. As long as they were healthy and could provide Princes, there was no harm. They didn’t even have a term for it, it was so casual. As a woman who had enjoyed other women in this arrangement would be considered a “virgin” still. It was only societal and religious taboos from other societies and religions that saw these arrangements being problematic and through eventual puritanical shifts, this practice was less acceptable. As you can guess, Christians would have problems with this (though the idea swimming in my head is only fit for PornHub hence why I mentioned it).
“Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord.”
A Christian ideal. Being the better person. Maintaining the moral high ground.
But from the scandal posts it seems that getting down to the same level often appears order of the day. It’s often a blind or petty rage that triggers the victim to lash out in return.
I can understand the anger, I’d written a huge paragraph here before but I will exercise the good measure to not share it, as I feel it diminishes me as a man, it makes me sound weak or in the common parlance “Beta” or sufficiently “Soy”. It was to do with a torrid period of my own and was attempting to serve as a justification but I’m trying to get past such memories that best belong in the past. Those times are done and whilst they still haunt my memories at times, I need to put ever more distance between them and experience happier times to replace them.
Some of these posts go deep into being vindictive and vengeful. Neither is healthy. The one that broke the camels back for me was a story of one woman who darted between big distances and had been cheated on by her SO with what can only be classed as the village bicycle. This woman went as far as to sleep with the sexually fluid tramp to get back at the cheater. I think there is a stage where you go past healthy and constructive ends to recover, and drift into malicious and spiteful territory. Doing underhand things might feel good at the time but may not shorten the overall road to recovery, or soften the springs for the bumpy ride. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth ends up with a village full of blind toothless people, so it says in the Bible. You can argue that you shouldn’t be a pushover, and I agree. I agree where those have gone out to narc their cheating partner’s boss when they have been involved with a manager of said company, because that is a dereliction of duty on their part. I’ve agreed when on the full punishment when a teacher has ploughed a student because they have a duty of care, they are told this from the off.
Some of the payback is close to being illegal, and you wouldn’t want a criminal record to add to your woes. I’m glad to see that a lot of those who put comments warn of this when they see evidence of it from the OP. There is something to be said about deceptions whereby the affair partner was clueless to the fact that they were even cheating, that the cheater had deceived them as well. That must hurt from the AP’s perspective. I often get the impression that when some of these cheaters are kicked to the curb by their affair partners, it is because they were found out, and the AP ghosted them before it turned ugly, to protect their own feelings and stop the rot. There is some honour amongst thieves.
We move nearer to the final part of this article, the MGTOW element nears. I’ve included this here because I feel that “man” has been under some emasculation driven by feminism and liberal agenda. It’s a proponent in demolishing the “patriarchy”. I’m sure I’ve probably upset those Twitter types that have just got done painting their walls in period blood. I’m sure they are howling at the moon right now for the injustice of it. Regardless of what kind of woman you are, you have to realise that there are certain types of woman that now exist, and you might not be in those brackets but those women certainly don’t make life all that easy for men. And those same women paint all women with a certain tar saturated brush.
You have the THOT “That Ho Over There”, in Britain we used to call those Gym Bunnies. They are essentially a woman who is borderline nymphomaniac, a sex addict, or extremely promiscuous. Thots can be found in many places, but always at the foot or well honed pectoral of an “alpha” man. They are the woman with the steam rising from their vagina whilst wearing their skin tight Lycra. They are young and savour sexual fulfilment, a modern day succubus, they are not relationship worthy but many men are tempted and follow through (with the semen deposit at least). They have a shelf life that expires when their looks do. Normally they bemoan the fact that they are partnerless at the age of 30 whilst having surfed many a jizz fountain in their time.
The woman who obeys Pareto Law; the “Hyperga-mamma”. Such a woman never dates down and hunts the top 20% of men like a predator (with shoulder mounted plasma cannon and scary face mask). If you are below 6 foot as a hopeful candidate you are already shit out of luck. Men worry when they land this kind of a woman, because they know that if said woman get’s the sniff of a cock that’s turned their direction in the right criteria, they’ll be away. A man who takes this kind of woman on is waiting to see when it will end rather than being relaxed. That’s not a happy way to be and only a sadist or “simp” will hang around to the almost inevitable conclusion.
This film is not reality a lot of the time, this is almost pure Hollywood.
The unexperienced wife or girlfriend. A wife has potentially only been yours from marriage (or current girlfriend), or if known to man before you is on rookie numbers. It can be a combination of things that triggers the “I want to try other dicksicles” decision but it always comes when a man doesn’t want it and is often difficult to dissuade. Open marriage and permitting randos is just not a common or acceptable request for a red blooded male. Balancing the score is not an outcome that could ever be accepted warmly. No man wants to compete against their woman. They want to co-exist and flourish. Even being drawn into threesomes and foursomes is emotionally scarring for most. These ideas can be triggered by the woman’s own volition, by friends (either in jest or just as boasts, sometimes with full volition or as means of competition between egos of said friends, and sometimes just through malicious intent on the part of that friend), and occasionally by heretical therapists (those left of field, and short of sense). At all times the woman is the decider, and they should be aware of the consequences if they choose wrongly. Rule of thumb, best not, no matter what you are advised. It can’t be undone, retracted, you can’t put the jizz back in the ball sack, the vagina sweat back in the vagina.
The over experienced woman, the former female chad in retirement. I’ll explain female chads below. That woman who’s probably seen a thousand cocks and finds you to be unremarkable when measured against their library of conquests. This isn’t always the end, some of these women are and can be keepers. Sometimes as a guy you should see it as a compliment that they’d stick with you because they have some love for you rather than purely being glued to you for your prowess. The problem is sex is not going to be special, no matter what you do. For guys, we like to feel that a woman is receiving something good, because a lot of us like to make sure that you feel a mutual enjoyment in the process (there are some who don’t give a shit but that’s always true on both sides of the fence). Men perform oral for a woman’s pleasure, some might do it badly but at least there are those that give it a go. If you have a library that adds up to better experience by category, it doesn’t make us feel special. It would be the same the other way around, a man’s hit list, hall of fame, what number would you be ranked out of 1006 for the doggy style? I think for me personally being told once that my girlfriend (at the time) had enjoyed “bigger” was a punch in the balls. I didn’t show it at the time but it feels like a low blow especially considering she had the condition of “vaginismus” from an event in her past and that I only successfully penetrated her once in 2 years after lashings of alcohol, an issue I asked her to bring up with the Doctors but she never got to. Surprising how your confidence can take a knock from an offhand comment especially when you had been trying your best, over and over again. Being just one of a number doesn’t add up ultimately.
The plain ‘Karen’. Unfortunately, this name happens to be my Aunt’s so I’m somewhat annoyed this grew as a meme handle now because my Aunt is one cool lady. She was very loyal to my wayward/dodgy Uncle and has never remarried after he passed on (which is a bit sad in some regards). A “Karen” or “Becky” character is the kind that is just a classical idiot. They are very demanding and are completely unable to see anything any other way than their jaded world view. They are the equivalent of “Florida Man”.
Because of this rather confusing landscape we have at the moment, men are confused on exactly what women want. On one side they want these men who are in touch with emotions, on the other they want a traditional no prisoners full boundary type of guy who’ll treat them a little like shit on a regular occasion. It’s not a virtue to a woman to be a stand up guy. If anything, that is weakness. Which leads to the lowest marriage rates that have been recorded. Men are just a bit tired of the fruitless chase. We are happy being Joe Average rather than Big Richard, which means we are happy being alone if it means a quiet life. We get called names whatever way we slice our bread. I think a lot of those who fall into the “alpha” camp don’t paint themselves that great. I watch guys who prey on the MGTOW bandwagon trying to sell their services to making guys “players” and “alphas” but they make the market bad for us in so doing as they drive the market to higher expectations of physical attractiveness standards; “if you aren’t ripped, fuck off”. You get called an “incel” if you can’t get laid. Always adjusting yourself to the market, always making the play and doing the running work rather than just having a drink with a friend, watching a sunset or letting the breeze catch you on a scenic drive through the country; living. There is no girl next door. There is a race to be partnered or have been partnered especially by women. The agenda is on, there are boxes to tick, milestones to reach and people to please.
And then there is;
MGTOW — Men Going Their Own Way
This will make a mention just for guys in particular but also something for women to be aware of.
The movement is exactly what it says on the tin. It is a movement. In the West we have a bit of a problem when it comes to marriage and division of wealth when that marriage ends in divorce. In America, where a lot of these Reddit posts seem to originate, rules on divorce vary from state to state. If you are unlucky enough to be married in a state with a “no fault policy” such as California, regardless of who did the deed, you are going to have to pay alimony as a man, you are going to lose half your shit, you may even lose your house to your partner if they happen to get custody of any children you might have. This allows manipulative women to enter into marriage under deceptive means and proverbially ‘bleed a man dry’ in the divorce court and do that as often as they like.
In Western society at this time, and in quite a few Eastern territories, the woman is almost defacto going to be awarded custody of children. It is rare for the male in a family unit to be awarded custody (the female partner has to be either a real fuck up or show no interest in bringing up their children/handing them over).
There’s a bit more than just that in play. A lot of it has to do with modern norms that women expect and certain doors that have been left open through liberalisation and abandonment of old conservative norms.
There is such a thing as a pre-nuptial agreement. This is a formal agreement between the partners, it’s soul purpose is to divide the spoils in the event of divorce. Some partners take very great exception to being asked to sign one of these. And there are arguments for and against, one side it is considered unromantic, untrusting, pessimistic. On the other side it is considered prudent, timely, and acrimony free. A “prenup” can be kiltered more towards a gentleman, eliminating the concern that they are marrying a “gold-digger”. It’s also useful for women who are hideously rich to discourage a gentleman marrying them for the same issue. Pre-Nuptials could be overturned or be considered not legally binding in the UK in the past but the laws changed a while back and they are now recognised in court. In some states in the USA, prenups can be overturned and may not be legally binding. The states retain some other disparity between them that can lead to issues with the legal part of marriage. I’ve already mentioned no fault states but there are other quagmires to get bogged down in. Some states consider annulments for a number of key items, it really does depend where you got married.
Female Chads/Players and Promiscuity
Yes, this is a thing now. We’ve been moving more this way since the 70s, since the free love era and feminism really got started. There was more of a shift towards this in the 90s and it has snowballed since then. Women now are in full equality mode but as such have also hit a critical level in terms of decency or lack therein. Females are now becoming the players. Women of a perceived high sexual marketplace value (SMV) call the shots in the dating and hookup scene. It’s called hypergamy.
It’s difficult to say that women should not be able to choose what they want. Men have had this expectation for much longer and for the longest time have commanded the market. The tables have somewhat turned now. Women simply won’t date down (in most circumstances but not all). This is part of the problem and why marriage rates are dropping across the USA/Canada and the UK (with other countries following similar patterns across the world where liberal ideas are espoused).
There is a degree of promiscuity that seems to be booming in the female camp. Women have had/experienced far more sexual partners than most men they meet and are “soiled goods” or “past it” by the time they consider settling down. The MGTOW parlance for a woman who has lost their SMV is called “hitting the wall”. Women caught in the trance of these current norms constantly looks to “trade up” and “monkey branch” fulfilling hypergamy agenda to a ‘t’. I hope there are women screaming at the screen; “I’m not that kind of woman.” you are starting to join a minority if your claims are true. Women are the gate-holder when it comes to sex, they decide the peg that will grace them and these days, they want more pegs in the slot to feel accomplished. The female Fonzarelli is born. Hey!!!
Single Parent Families (Single Mothers)
Mentioning this may draw a lot of ire from women but in a lot of Western countries (and a fair few in the East) single mothers have been enabled by governments and their liberal policies. The issue that single parent families presents for a man is the fact that a woman can very easily pull the trigger on getting rid of the father of their child, by parting ways seemingly at the drop of a hat. A lot of relations don’t even become established before a man is leaving a single mother behind through a dead relationship. This can come about because whilst this woman was gold on the idea of a child, staying with the man was never in the cards from the off.
In our Reddit posts often the vale of PPD (Post Partum Depression) is used a common scape goat to blame marriage breakdown through losing love for the spouse, or having an itch to scratch, but I would counter that this is more often an excuse than the rule. I don’t mean to sound like a cock, but I believe sometimes the spark of the marriage goes out with no holding hand to depression. It is more tied to a woman’s SMV dropping off a cliff as I will explain. It is the window for “trading up” closing in simpler terms.
There is no care or precaution, and seemingly taxpayers and those who work (period) are expected to shoulder the burdens of the benefit leech that is a single mother. We have all done so for decades. It is considered a “choice”. For some young women, they consider it an escape from work, to do sweet FA and be paid to look after their bastard child, their broken family unit. In my country, such single parents get priorities to council housing and other enabling benefits. Those terms might seem harsh from me, but wild oats and bastard children were a major taboo back in the day. Entering into a marriage was sacrosanct. Often children were immediately sent for adoption, and on occasion wayward women would be sent to convents or workhouses for the rest of their adult life, if having children out of wedlock.
Statistics aren’t good for single mothers getting back into meaningful relationships. Reasons behind this include the general thought that they are “used goods”, they sacrifice attention to their new partners to “put their child first” and may be less inclined to add spawn to their lineup if they are considering being promiscuous down the line. On that last point there are some mothers who end up with strings of bastard babies, often of differing ethnicity. Men run from them like Usain Bolt on an Olympic day. Guys just don’t want to take on somebody else’s seed, being a provider or guardian for someone who is not their progeny. It’s a primordial thing. There is the issue of the biological father making appearance (and their assorted family), and being a persistent third wheel in a relationship. There are men that do commit to single mothers, but it’s less common than you think, and the preference is no children by default (most guys know this, you’d only go with a single mother, if there wasn’t another suitable candidate or you had a child of your own). People who are seen to easily break unions or don’t enter them aren’t good future material. (Widows are excluded from this venom so don’t kick me in the nuts thinking I’d forgotten them).
There are women who plot to have fatherless pregnancies. This can come about a number of ways, through artificial insemination the legal way (sperm donor), through scraping out the contents of a used condom and applying via turkey baster the illegal way (yes, this shit happens).
Teen mothers have become a thing and they are somewhat romanticized and publicised in America right now with long running documentary style series on TLC that claims it aims to talk about the problem, yet seems to glamourize it in equal fashion. The amount of teenagers I’ve seen asking for teenage pregnancy mods for The Sims 4 (of which the Soylin’s originate) goes some way to proving my point on this (I used a teen romance mod to allow Mrs Soylin to tickle her particular fancy’s velvet, just so you know). Women of this age take themselves out of the market for a serious relationship and add themselves to an uncertain future with poor prospects, likely joining the huge benefit queue, draining the rations and making their parents poorer (if their parents get involved). The sad thing is some of these young teenagers are good looking and if they had simply waited a bit longer could have had a better life not only for themselves but their child. As harsh as this sounds it almost feels like we have an idiot generation. That we are regressing into a future not unlike the Idiocracy film of 2006 with Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph and Dax Shepard.
There is a shocking number of children in families in the West and throughout the world that are not genetically related to their fathers but are under the impression they are. There is often no legal ramification for this kind of deception and it’s only a mother who can pull off such a deception (It’s not a mixup at a hospital if 50% of the child is yours, and I savagely laughed after writing this because for some odd reason it creased me up, no laughing matter of course). An unwitting partner may part with years of adoration and monetary expenditure on a proverbial cuckoo in the nest only to be heartbroken when they discover their children are not their own on a surprise paternity test years later. There is a perceived obligation to look after children after a certain age regardless of whether you are the father or not because you are the only father they’ve ever known and abandoning them could be considered heartless. As always there is an enforced compliance by societal norms that binds you into being responsible. Some conniving women like to lock in ‘rubes’ at the birth, so that the birth certificate is signed making it more difficult to back out.
Though it’s nothing new, having a child with a man to tie them in for countless decades is a strategy. In countries such as America, men will cling to non productive relationships for a child’s benefit and the fear of losing their hard earned dollar to alimony, their homes and their hard earned collateral. Women can use said traps to have their cake and eat it. Embark in playing away from home with the threat of taking away half or more of the property, held funds and future funds and any child upkeep that they may or may not spend on said children. This always puts the man under a cosh to comply to potentially unpleasant demands and expectations. Men can be bullied into compliance because courts more often than not side and are specifically geared to the woman.
The MeToo movement predicated a response. Eager business women have discovered that they are no longer getting mentored by male managers, that they are no longer being invited to nights out on the town, that they are no longer being permitted to undertake private meetings without chaperone. All the advantages they had from the past have now evaporated due to the fall out of the MeToo movement. Men often choose not to be out with single women, or elect to have their wife present at social engagements, and most certainly won’t be alone with female colleagues at bars or hotels due to the potential kickback of new guidelines for adherence to MeToo mitigation. I’m a compassionate soul so for those women who have been legitimately abused during such incidents, you have my thoughts. For those who have historically used and abused such windows of opportunity, you have no sympathy from me. MeToo is a product of equality, it just so happens that many women enjoyed the ability to exploit men’s base needs whilst furthering their careers and bank balances, now they realise they can’t so easily exploit men in this regard and it has rather hurt many women’s chances where progression is concerned. Tar every woman with the same brush and you get a fuck load of women painted in tar. Some women were quite willing to sleep with superiors to gain access but now those doors are padlocked it may not be easy for them to acquire shortcuts going forwards. (but I’m sure they’ll sneak it someway knowing how crafty they are, men love a bit of vagina after all (except the gay ones)).
Whilst not reported in great quantity, often men can be the target of sexual, mental and physical abuse in the home. Normally it’s the perception that the woman is believed over the man in such cases. And men have a harder time securing a prosecution of any length against a woman other than when they are killed (which is always too late). Female rape of men has increased over the past decades as some women seek to trap men in baby traps as above. Besides divorce and custody, domestic abuse factors near the top of a recruiting factor to the MGTOW movement for men, as they grow disaffected with a decay in female social decency standards. As women become men.
Such things noted above have therefore contributed to the growing movement of MGTOW and will continue to do so until such a time that a more conservative age returns, or the defacto societal norms change (men become full “simps” by default). I believe neither future will happen and we’ll be left in this murky business. I think there are guys that are hopeful that the status quo will change but I think that is a deluded state of mind. Women have got a taste for this now and it is set in.
I think people will be less fixated on this kind of sensational outpouring when we return to some sense of normalcy. 2020 has been a year where many people have been forced to spend time with each other and realise that they are not meant to be, that time has to be called. They start reviewing all of the ills and spills and divorce or break up town is where they are driving. We are seeing something of a bow wave at the moment. When you’ve got nothing better to concentrate your time on, the fibre of your life gets examined all the more. People get placed in weird situations and those weird situations lead to unexpected outcomes. There could be many great stories of true love occurring right now, but they are drowned out by the loud noises from the negative Nigels and Nancys of the world.
This is not a trough I wish to dip my nose in any further.
Are you so inclined?
P.s It took me ages to go through YouTube and stop the Reddit videos being suggested. Ages! They kept on popping up like cases of the beer flu.